My Own Private Idaho

My Own Private Idaho was a challenging movie for me. I don't know if I understand it. I don't feel like it was driven by plot, but instead was driven by raw human emotion. I don't feel like I needed to understand what was going on the entire time or motives behind some of the characters' actions. I understood how they felt. I felt their pain and their happiness.

There were so many breathtaking scenes in this film that were surprising (especially in the context of the other films we have watched). A few times I could feel the rug being pulled out from beneath me and my heart hurt badly for the characters, especially for Mike.

I thought that the way in which the sex scenes were shot was so interesting. Van Sant slowed down the speed of the action that we were viewing and this made me critique the act of sex in context to the film, the differences between the sex scenes, and how these changes in style changed the way that the moment felt.

The scene that rang truest for me was when Mike and Scott were sitting around the campfire talking. This scene not only made an important statement about both of the characters, but also made an important statement about the gay community in general: they are regular humans, capable of a range of emotions.

"I really want to kiss you, man."

It was easy for me to relate to both of the characters in this situation, as I have been in both of their shoes (only I'm a girl and not a prostitute). Mike longed to tell Scott his feelings and Scott, to some extent, was embarrassed by this and by his own feelings that he repressed. Scott always made excuses for his homosexuality and pretended to be gay only for the pay and that once he had inherited money he would change his lifestyle. Mike struggled with memories from his past and narcolepsy and Scott was always there for him as a friend to help him. When Mike decided to confess his romantic emotions to Scott he was shut down with open arms by a man that loved him but was too embarrassed or pressured to truly admit to being gay.

I have had friends confess the same things to me and for one reason or another, I did not reciprocate their feelings, but still tried to be a supportive friend. At the same time, I have been in Mike's position. It is so painful to have strong romantic feelings toward someone you love as a friend and at the same time have to worry about their reaction because it isn't something that is fully accepted. It was easier for me, being bisexual, because I had the opportunity to be in "normal" relationships as well. This scene was so incredibly real it was painful to watch. I felt for Mike and everyone that is ever in that situation and I was also angry at Scott because I saw a bit of myself in him and was ashamed.

This scene was something all together different and new from what was done in cinema regarding homosexuality. This scene made a strong statement in the realest way possible.